The Power Of Permission
Here we are at the end of a whirlwind of a year, where we have slowly emerged from the freeze of the pandemic, one that shook many of us to our deepest core. Re-entering, interacting with society, friends, colleagues (in person), going back to ‘’normal life’’ - at the same time feeling a sensory overload combined with the nourishing feeling of human reconnection. So how have you given yourself permission to navigate all of this complexity? Or have you maybe just accumulated all this weight and now feel utterly exhausted as we close the year?
We all have a different definition of what a full, integrated whole life should be - so how do we measure the breadth, depth of living authentically from a space of infinite possibilities?
As defined by Cambridge Dictionary, Permission is “the act of allowing someone to do something, or of allowing something to happen". When we turn this towards ourselves - that ‘someone’ is our own self. To allow yourself to cultivate actions that truly make you shine, that make you thrive - how often do we bring ourselves there?
It is so easy to offer advice and support to our friends - but when we have to turn these words to ourselves, do you notice we feel less inclined to practice that same advice? This self doubt and fear is rooted in our very own trauma responses or history especially heightened in the world events over the past few years.
To give permission to yourself, doesn’t mean to go crazy spending your savings on material objects (though in a modern, consumerist society, an intentional splurge on yourself can be a treat!) - but it’s in the everyday simple things. It can be as subtle as giving yourself permission to - take a mental health break day; to go for a massage in the middle of the week; take a part of your day to write in your journal; or even accepting your newly grown white hairs!
As Nedra Tewwab, a licensed mental health therapist and writer says : “Permission says that you are open to the possibility of positive things happening. Without permission, there is no growth.”
Sometimes, we get so focused on an idea of where we want to be and how we want to get there, we don’t give ourselves the permission to see new opportunities right in front of us, change our relationship to the situations or relationships themselves.
A big part of that is imposter syndrome. We doubt our abilities, even though we have concrete evidence, experience and simply need to trust in our knowledge. Identify your strength and shift the focus to that part of your superpower - instead of what you think you are lacking.
This hits home especially for women executives. According to a study in 2020 by KPMG LLP, “75% of female executives across industries have experienced imposter syndrome at certain points in their careers.” That is an overwhelming number! Many women give themselves a small margin of error and “put more pressure on themselves not to fail than men do”.
The first step is to acknowledge these feelings. Then write down a list of your achievements - it can be a list of things you did for yourself or your community in every aspect of your life. Let go of expectations that nourishes the feeling of not being enough. Many of us experience this throughout our lives. Once we can understand this mindset, we can move forward without asking for permission, but instead giving it to ourselves.
I’ll use my own personal situation as an example. Taking on the responsibility of being a business owner, it has been a constant effort to make and balance time for myself. Between supporting, following leads, administration, partnership conversations - all these avenues are very lively yet at times feel overwhelming. I regularly carve moments to meditate, to center myself - but although I take the time to rest, I don't feel rested. Tension accumulates on the left side of my shoulder. Although I try to be open and curious, tensions inevitably build up.
It was only when I found myself back in a wilderness retreat in Canada, sharing this experience with a dear friend that I felt an overwhelming flood of sadness and weight. I felt so tired of fighting - what was expected of me being a business owner, the impact or the success that I should have. I realised how heavy the weight of comparison felt on my shoulders. I was aware of this blindspot, yet unaware of how much it took from me.
I had been fighting myself, my preconceived ideas all along. No wonder I felt tired and tense. Once the pressure was out of my system, I felt like I had more space, more energy to do what excites me - not what I think others want. By simply following the trail of what fuels and energises me, this now serves as my barometer to gauge whether I'm going in the right direction.
It is only when I gave myself permission to feel and experience what was stored in my physical and emotional tension, that insights emerged! It was only when I surrendered to all spectrum of emotions, was I able to connect the mind-body; therefore staying fully open and curious about my experience.
Another friend of mine in Montreal has a high, demanding senior leadership role in a large MNC - and we were chatting about their process and feelings. In the same breath they were saying they felt fine yet their body was continuously tired, and low on energy. I asked - “Where do you think that energy is going?” Turns out they were carrying anger towards themselves, trying to keep themselves busy to avoid facing the hurt or the pain.
It is when we give ourselves permission to feel, that we feel connected to ourselves, each other and alive connected to this world. When we lean towards curiosity, we open a place of allowing - shifting the dial, moving the needle to where we truly are transforming and understanding.
As I write this, I find myself on a street in New York sipping a coffee and croissant in deep gratitude. Getting a chance to see my brother's family after more than 5 years of separation. Where being a business owner is no longer a weight on my heart but a world of possibilities - allowing me to live this moment right here, right now.
Whether you're an executive, senior leader, barista in a coffee shop or even stay at home parent - know that giving yourself permission to feel is a doorway into new opportunities of growth. You are making space within yourself for constructive and powerful possibilities.
As this intense year comes to a close, we step out of the pandemic with some sense of normalcy back, and a renewed sense of appreciation of what's important to us - we must also recognise that our nervous system is taking a hit from nearly two years of isolation to overstimulation. This is a great opportunity for us to slow down, reflect as we wrap up the year - with the permission to explore what we have stored and bottled up, to flow through and in turn, nourish our mind, body and soul for the new chapter/year to come.
